That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am one with the molecules
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
