I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
