I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We smell like vodka and hangover
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
