It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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