I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
