My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
