ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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