I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
