Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
