the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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