i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm passing your future prison.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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