she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
