By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
