i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
