i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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