You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
