And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize