the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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