Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
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Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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