I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I looked at my own cervix.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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