Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
