i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
