Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
