I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
