i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
