She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
