does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
