just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
