i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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