I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
