I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
no you cant smoke seaweed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
