He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
