You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
