you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
