I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
