Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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