I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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