Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She even gives head with a lisp.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
