I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
