i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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