she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
