TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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