I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize