No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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