I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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