pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We need to get me chipped asap
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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