It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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