Your face is a jimmy john
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
