It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
