I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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