My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
