Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
