If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
