I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
