Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize