he looks like a really good dad on facebook
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
