Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
