remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
