nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
