a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize