I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
