then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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