So drunk its hurt
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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