Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You made out with two different species that night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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