I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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